


What You Really Are

by Wolfling



Series: You Still Have Me [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slow Burn, post 3b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:23:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2092149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfling/pseuds/Wolfling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't think you're insane!" Scott blurted out before Stiles could get any further.</p><p>That at least surprised Stiles enough that he stopped talking. "Uh, good?" he finally said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You Really Are

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting mostly done on my hard drive for a few weeks, mostly due to being distracted by trying to finish my Sciles RBB fic on time. 
> 
> But here it is, finally. Just a note -- I don't envision this series as canon compliant with s4 since I started it before s4 started airing (and timeline wise, we're still a couple of months before the time when s4 canon events started anyway)

"So today went pretty well, don't you think?" Scott asked as he and Stiles collected their books from their lockers at the end of the school day.

"Neither of us had any freak outs and the number of people whispering about us behind our backs was definitely less than yesterday, so yeah, pretty much," Stiles said. "Why?"

"I was just thinking that we could go see Derek," Scott said hesitantly. "If you're up to it?"

Stiles paused in what he was doing and turned to face Scott. "Why?" he asked again. Then before Scott could say anything, he continued, "I mean I know why you want to -- Alpha checking in with members of his pack and all of that, plus I know you want to ask his advice about dealing with Malia's training. But why do you want me to go with you?"

"Because," Scott started and then faltered because he really didn't have a good reason. He just wanted Stiles with him where he could smell that he was okay. He always seemed to want Stiles with him now, where he could keep an eye on Stiles, and Stiles could keep an eye on him and they could just keep an eye on each other. It wasn't, quite, a _need_ , but it was definitely more than just a passing want.

Basically all his instincts were insisting that things were just better when Stiles was there. He just wasn't sure how to articulate that.

But because Stiles was Stiles, he found he didn't need to. After a moment of staring at Scott with a thoughtful expression, Stiles said, "It's an anchor thing isn't it? You want me with you because it makes you calmer when you know exactly where I am."

 _Calmer_ wasn't the word Scott would have chosen, but it was close enough. He nodded. "Pretty much. I mean, it's fine if you don't want to, I can go by myself, but-"

"I'll come," Stiles interrupted him to say. He grimaced."Sorry, you shouldn't really even have to ask."

"Of course I should," Scott argued. He didn't want Stiles to feel obligated just because he went and imprinted on him like a baby duckling. "I... I don't want you to think I'm taking you for granted."

He saw comprehension shine in Stiles' eyes. "Because I'm your anchor."

Scott nodded. "Yeah."

He was unprepared for Stiles reaching out and whapping him in the back of the head. "Idiot," he told Scott fondly. "Dude, you would've expected me to go with you even before I was your anchor. Because I'm your best friend and that's what we do. Stop over thinking it."

"But you only said you'd come because of the anchor thing," Scott protested with a frown.

"That made me say it quicker, I'm not going to lie," Stiles said. "But honestly, we both know I was going to say yes eventually anyway. I just would've hemmed and hawed and bitched more first without 'the anchor thing'." He did air quotes around the words. "It's not like I have a good reason not to want to come along. It's just me being... antsy. And that's less about Derek and more about the location."

Of course. It was Scott's turn to grimace. The last time Stiles was at Derek's loft was when the nogitsune was possessing him. "You don't have to-" he began.

"No, it's good," Stiles cut him off again. "Really, I can't keep avoiding places where it used me to go. And it's easier to man up about it when there's a good reason, like-"

"Like helping me," Scott finished for him.

"Like helping you," Stiles confirmed. "In a way, letting me help you with this is going to help me. It's totally reciprocal. It's a circle of help." He slid his backpack on and closed his locker, facing Scott. "So let's do this thing," he said, wearing his most determined expression.

"Okay," Scott said, smiling for both Stiles' expression and his words. He gathered up the rest of his stuff and closed his own locker, falling into step with Stiles as they headed for the door.

He thought about Stiles' words as they walked. He liked that the help and support between the two of them did seem to be reciprocal. When he'd realized he'd made Stiles his anchor he had panicked, not because he didn't want Stiles as an anchor, but because with everything Stiles had been through it had seemed terrible to ask any more of him. Stiles wasn't broken, but there were definitely cracks there and Scott had been afraid that the anchor thing might be enough pressure to make the cracks bad enough that he did break. 

But just the opposite seemed to be happening-- finding out that he was Scott's anchor (and of course Stiles had figured it out before he had because that was what Stiles _did_ ) was just seeming to make Stiles stronger. Whenever Scott needed Stiles, Stiles was there. Whenever he leaned on him, Stiles was strong enough to hold him. In fact the very act of Scott leaning on him seemed to _make_ him stronger.

Which really shouldn't have surprised Scott as much as it did. Stiles had always seemed to draw strength from the act of looking after the people he loved.

"Hey," Stiles said, nudging Scott's shoulder with his own as they walked. "That look on your face. What are you thinking about?"

"How lucky I am to have you as a best friend," he replied honestly.

Stiles looked taken aback for a second, then there was a couple of seconds where his expression went completely blank, but then he grinned widely and slung his arm around Scott's shoulders. "Damn straight," he said. He waited until Scott grinned back at him then added in a softer, more heartfelt voice, "Right back at you, Scotty."

Scott leaned into his side a little more heavily and turned his head to subtly sniff Stiles. The scent, as it always seemed to do now, settled something in him, leaving him feeling like he was wrapped in a blanket of contentment.

Judging by the knowing look Stiles shot him, he hadn't been subtle enough to hide what he was doing, but Stiles didn't say anything. He never said anything when he caught Scott sneak scenting him, just did what he did now and move closer to make it easier for Scott. Giving Scott what he needed. He'd been doing that even before they'd figured out it was because Stiles was his new anchor and Scott had just thought it was some weird Alpha instinct thing that he hadn't wanted to look at too closely.

Scott leaned in closer and took one more deep sniff before forcing himself to move back to a slightly more decorous distance. He searched Stiles' expression for any sign that he'd made him at all uncomfortable, but didn't find any. Stiles in fact looked downright satisfied with himself.

But still, Scott found himself asking, "You'd tell me if it ever bothered you, wouldn't you?"

"What, the sniffing?" Stiles shook his head. "Dude, I already told you, it's fine. I don't mind."

"I know. But if you ever... Just because you've said it's okay, you can still tell me to back off if you don't want me to sometimes. I won't be mad."

He saw understanding flood Stiles' features. "Scott, I promise I'll speak up if I ever want you to keep outside my personal bubble. I don't foresee that ever happening -- we've been all up in each other's personal space since we met -- but if it does, I promise I'll tell you. Until then, you have my full and freely given consent to sniff me whenever you want. Okay?"

Hearing that shouldn't have made that big a difference but somehow it did. Something inside Scott that had been tense bracing for rejection relaxed and he breathed out a sigh of relief. "Okay," he replied.

Stiles just grinned at him and shook his head. "Don't ever change, man," he said, clapping Scott on the shoulder before moving away to walk around to the driver's side of his jeep that they had by this time reached.

They both got in, throwing their backpacks in the back seat. "So does Derek know we're coming?" Stiles asked as he started the engine.

"Not yet," Scott replied. It had been kind of a spur of the moment idea of his, given how well the day had gone, that they were probably up to a little bit more. 

"God knows Derek's shown up unannounced enough times at our places that us doing the same to him would really just be karma in action, but maybe you should let him know?" Stiles smoothly pulled the jeep out of its parking spot and headed towards the road. "If for no other reason that it lets us keep the moral high ground on this particular topic?"

"You're right," Scott agreed. He pulled out his phone. "I'll text him."

 _You busy?_ he sent to Derek's number, half expecting not to get any response at all.

But his phone dinged with Derek's response barely a minute later. _Not particularly. What's up?_

_School's done and Stiles and I are going to drop by the loft. If that's okay?_

_It's fine. Trouble?_

_No. Nothing like that,_ Scott quickly reassured him. _Just wanted to check in and there's something I wanted to ask your advice on. Nothing life threatening. Promise._

 _That makes a nice change,_ Derek sent back, and then a moment later added, _How's Stiles doing?_

Scott glanced over at Stiles who was concentrating on his driving. _He's good. As good as can be expected. We both are._

"You're talking about me, aren't you?" Stiles asked, though it sounded more like a statement than a question.

Scott jumped guiltily. "How did you know?"

Stiles gave a little smirk. "You're a lot of things, Scotty. Subtle is not one of them. You were looking at me like I look at my dad when I'm trying to sneak a peek at something he doesn't want me to see." He paused. "Tell Derek I say hi."

"It wasn't anything bad," Scott assured him even as he texted, _Stiles says hi._ "He just wanted to know how you were doing."

"I figured," Stiles said with a shrug. "I'm probably going to get that question a lot from all sorts of people for the next while."

Scott frowned, wondering if that was as annoying as it sounded. "Does that bother you?"

"Honestly? A little, sometimes, yeah. But given the givens and everything that happened, it's a logical question and I get that it comes from a place of caring." He paused. "Most times. When it doesn't I have no problems telling people where the can shove their fake concern."

"Has that been happening a lot?" Scott can't recall anyone doing the fake concern while he was around, but as much as they'd done their best to hang out with each other as much as possible, he hadn't been with Stiles every waking minute.

Stiles paused before answering. "Actually, no," he said, sounding a little surprised at the realization. "I guess I just... keep expecting it to."

Scott thought about that for a moment before venturing cautiously, "Maybe there's just more people who honestly care about your well being than you thought."

"Maybe," Stiles admitted, and Scott counted it a victory that Stiles wasn't arguing the point with him.

His phone pinged and he looked down to see Derek's response. "Derek says you can tell him hi when we actually get there," he relayed.

"Of course he does," Stiles said, rolling his eyes though it was more fond than exasperated, Scott thought. "Actually I'm just surprised he's having an actual conversation via text with you. Derek's never struck me as the most technically savvy werewolf out there."

"He's not that bad," Scott defended. 

"Yeah, I guess not. Just... vivid first impressions, you know? He was living in burnt out house when we first met him and then he moved to an abandoned train station. _Electricity_ didn't seem high on his list of essentials, much less technological toys."

"There were extenuating circumstances," Scott pointed out. Looking back now, knowing what he didn't know back then, he had a far better understanding of why Derek had acted the way he had and, in retrospect, was much more willing to cut him some slack for it. He couldn't go back in time and change their rocky start, but he could at least acknowledge why it was and then make sure it didn't negatively affect their relationship now.

"Yeah," Stiles said, more subdued, and Scott could tell without even looking at him that he was thinking much the same thing. 

Trying to keep either of them for dwelling on things in the past they couldn't change, Scott said, "And hey, maybe he has just really made remarkable progress on using the tools of the twenty-first century."

It worked. Stiles snorted in amusement. "Dude, now you're starting to sound like me. Leave the cynicism and sarcasm for me, okay? I've got it perfected after all these years."

The conversation moved to light and inconsequential things for the rest of the drive to Derek's for which Scott was glad. Things had just been so heavy and frought with bad emotions for both of them that he'd learned to treasure even the smallest of moments when it looked like maybe they wouldn't always be and there was a chance they could get themselves to a new kind of normal. 

It shifted back though when Stiles parked the jeep in front of Derek's building and both of them sat and looked up at it. Stiles didn't say or do anything, other than stare at it out the window and go abnormally still, but even if Scott hadn't known him well enough to realize what that meant, he could smell his friend's distress. 

"You don't have to go up," he offered because the last time he'd seen Stiles this tense was when he'd walked into history their first day back and almost had a panic attack. 

Stiles took a deep breath and shook himself. "If I want to get past what happened, I kind of do," he said.

"You don't have to go up _now_ ," Scott said because he could still smell the anxiety coming off Stiles in waves. 

He got a faint hint of a smile from Stiles for that. "It won't get any easier if I wait." The smile got slightly more apparent. "Besides, I don't want Derek thinking I'm avoiding him or anything. I don't want to hurt his little wolfy feelings since he's waiting for me to come say hi to him."

Scott grinned back, partly at Stiles' snarking, partly because the fact he _was_ snarking said so much about how well Stiles was handling things as bad as they were. He'd long since learned that as long as Stiles was wisecracking things were okay. It was when he got completely serious that there was reason to worry.

He reached over and squeezed Stiles' shoulder once. "Come on then."

Stiles took another deep breath and nodded. "Right. Let's do this." 

They got out of the jeep in almost complete synchronization and headed inside the building. Scott kept a close eye of Stiles as they made their way up to the loft. He was still keyed up and anxious, but he was hiding it well. If Scott hadn't been able to smell it on him, even he might have been fooled into thinking Stiles was completely calm. 

"We can leave whenever you want," Scott said. Stiles turned his head to look at him as they walked. "If you feel like you need to..."

That earned him another smile from Stiles, this one warmer and wider than the ones in the jeep. "Thanks. But I'll be okay. It's not like history class -- I'm not going to get blindsided. It's probably going to suck for at least a few minutes because I'm possibly going to have some memory flashbacks to what the nogitsune did, but I know that going in. And if I know about it, I can brace myself for it. Put my head down and just get through it, you know?"

He hated that there were things Stiles had to 'put his head down and just get through', but he got it. Sometimes that was all you could do -- keep going and hope things will get better. If Scott was being honest with himself, Stiles wasn't the only one having to do that. 

At least, he thought, they were doing it together. That made everything easier. 

Still, when they reached Derek's door, Scott paused before knocking to glance at Stiles. "Ready?"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "It's not exactly the lion's den," he said. "Course I'm ready." As if to prove it, he reached out and knocked himself.

Derek opened the door barely a couple of seconds later, which pretty much confirmed for Scott that he had known they were there and had just been polite enough to wait for the knock.

For a moment they all stared at each other. Derek looked good, Scott decided. Ever since he'd come back to Beacon Hills, he'd seemed calmer. More centered, less angry, more comfortable in his own skin. It had made Derek someone Scott could rely absolutely on when things had been at their worst and that was something he was always going to be grateful for. It was a far cry from when they had been at odds more often than not and uneasy allies at best. Scott liked the way they were now so much more.

Stiles was the first one of the three of them to break the silence. "Hi," he said, raising a hand and waving at Derek. "Since you wouldn't accept my saying that over text, here I am in person saying it. Hi. Now are you going to let us in?"

Derek stood and stared at them for a few seconds more before sighing and turning to walk back into the loft, leaving the door open so they could follow.

Scott kept a close eye on Stiles as they walked inside. Outwardly he seemed fine, but Scott could smell his anxiety and how it heightened when he glanced over to the open area in front of the wall of windows. That had been where the confrontation between the nogitsune and Derek and the others had taken place, Scott knew.

Derek must have smelled Stiles' anxiety too because he glanced from Stiles to the area in question and back, before smoothly changing direction and leading them to the other side of the loft and the few meager pieces of furniture set up there, then maneuvering them so that Stiles ended up with the chair with its back to the windows.

Stiles grumbled half under his breath about wolves not being as sneaky and subtle as they think are, but he did take the offered seat and the scent of his anxiety decreases once he did so Scott counted it as a win.

"So what's up?" Derek asked once Stiles had subsided. He glanced back and forth between the two of them. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah," Scott was quick to reassure him, then found himself qualifying that because 'all right' was a ways off for all of them right now and would probably stay that way for a while yet. "Or, y'know, as close to all right as can be expected."

"There's not any new terrifying supernatural threat trying to destroy the town or anything," Stiles clarified. "So all right as far as that. There's mental and emotional trauma from the last supernatural threat, but like Scott said we're handling that as well as could be expected." Scott noticed how he avoided calling the nogitsune by name, but he didn't call him on it. They both had their coping mechanisms after all.

"There's just something I wanted to ask your advice on," Scott put in. "Malia."

Derek frowned. "The werecoyote girl?"

Scott nodded. "She's going to Beacon Hills High now and she's asked me to help her learn to control the shift."

"Ever since Scott alpha'ed her into human form she hasn't been able to shift back at all," Stiles put in. "Which was probably a good thing at first because if she had, she would've just ran back to the preserve and went back to being a coyote again. But she's decided to give being human a chance now so there's less chance of her just chucking it all and going off to live in a cave when she does learn to control the shift."

"And I thought... I may be a true alpha and all, but I've still only been a werewolf for less than a year," Scott said, that same little frisson of wonder going through him like it always did at exactly how short a time it had been since he was bitten. It seemed like such a lifetime ago. "I'm going to try and help her whatever way I can, but I figured it couldn't hurt to get some advice from someone with a little bit more experience."

Derek's mouth turned upwards at the corners slightly, more of a hint of a smile than the actual thing. "First thing I'd advise is not to do things the way I did them, considering the results. You criticized my methods enough."

Scott winced a little at that. It was amazing really looking back now just how much of a wrong foot he and Derek had started out on. "Your methods were really really bad," he admitted, "but I still learned a lot from you. And you've gotten a lot better," he added, thinking about Derek teaching him about scenting emotions on the hospital roof when they were looking for Stiles.

"Basically we're looking for anything you could tell us about how we can go about teaching someone to shift," Stiles put in. "Is there something in particular we should start with? Something we should avoid? Tips, tricks, hints? That kind of thing."

"Well, everyone's a little different in what they find the easiest," Derek began thoughtfully, "and her situation is rather unique, so the usual 'tricks' might not work the same way with her. I'd suggest starting small and trying to shift just one thing. If it was me, I'd try to get her to focus on flashing her eyes or bringing out her claws for a start."

That made sense and while controlling the change for him had ended up being more listening to his instincts than anything he consciously worked out, Scott figured he could at least try and talk Malia through the process. 

He glanced sideways. And if he couldn't then Stiles could probably figure out a way to explain it. After all, a large part of Scott figuring out how to control himself basically had boiled down to him listening to Stiles.

"But you could've asked me that over the phone," Derek pointed out. "Is that the only reason you stopped by?"

"It was the main one," Scott replied, but honesty forced him to admit, "but no, not the only one." Derek gave him a questioning look and he continued a little more hesitantly. "I... wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing."

It had been more than just a want actually. It was closer to an actual physical need, like a phantom itch he just had to scratch. It was the kind of feeling that he was still getting used to, but what was essentially an alpha's instinct. Unlike, say, Stiles, of whom there was no doubt he was part of Scott's pack, Scott wasn't sure if Derek was or wasn't. He didn't think he was, not officially or at that bone deep level like Stiles was, but obviously there was some connection there. Otherwise his inner wolf wouldn't have been so insistent on making sure Derek was alive and well. Just like the other people it considered pack.

The look Derek gave him made Scott wonder if the connection was as obvious from Derek's side; it was knowing, bemused and a little wondering all at once. "I'm okay," he said finally. He paused, then added, a little awkwardly, "Thanks."

Stiles glanced back and forth between the two of them, his eyes doing that squinty thing they did when he was working on figuring something out. "Got any plans?" he asked Derek. "Going to visit your sister or travel or..."

"I'm staying in Beacon Hills," Derek said firmly. "My mother told me that our family has always been the protectors of this territory. I intend to make sure that doesn't change." He glanced at Scott deferentially. "With some help."

Scott realized then that he'd never told Stiles about the conversation he had had with Derek at the hospital -- of course not, seeing how the nogitsune had taken over immediately after and by the time they got Stiles back they'd all had other things on their minds.

It was probably better this way though. This was the kind of thing that sounded better if Derek said it himself instead of having Scott relay the information.

Stiles seemed to mull that over for a moment before replying. "Family legacy, huh? I've heard worse reasons. And it'll be good to have someone else on our side when the supernatural shit inevitably hits the fan that is Beacon Hills again."

"Which hopefully won't be for a long while," Scott put in, adding a silent _please_. They were still in no place near ready mentally or emotionally to be dealing with anything more than what they were now.

"How are you two doing?" Derek asked, his eyes darting back and forth between them.

Scott looked at Stiles before answering. While he didn't mind talking about his own state of mind, his recovery seemed so intertwined with Stiles' that he wasn't sure he could talk about one without the other and he wouldn't talk about how Stiles was doing without permission.

"We're good," Stiles said, apparently taking the look as a request that he answer the question. "I mean, we're not _good_ good, not yet, but, like Scotty said, we're doing as well as can be expected."

Scott nodded. "We're coping. It's not easy, but it is getting better. Slowly."

"Yeah. It's like... I'm still having nightmares, but at least that means I'm getting enough sleep to actually dream. And I _know_ they're nightmares now, no more confusing dreams and reality. I haven't felt the need to count fingers to make sure for a couple of weeks now."

Derek frowned at Stiles. "Count fingers?"

"It's a way to check and see if I'm awake or dreaming when I'm not sure," Stiles explained, in a far easier manner than Scott would've expected for a topic that had been so fraught with stress and uncertainty for him. "You have extra fingers in dreams, y'see, so if I count and get a number other than ten..." Stiles trailed off, spreading his hands and wriggling his fingers as if in demonstration.

Derek seemed to consider that, head tilting slightly to the side. "That's..."

"Insane?" Stiles finished for him. "Yeah, I can't argue with that. But... whatever works, you know?"

Scott found himself frowning slightly. He didn't like hearing Stiles call himself crazy like that. Considering everything he'd been dealing with, everything he'd been through, Stiles' coping mechanisms were more than sane.

He was still thinking about it later after they'd left Derek's and Stiles was driving him home and it had him maybe more silent and distracted than usual.

Stiles glanced over at him for probably the tenth time in the last minute. "Okay," he finally said to Scott. "Come on. Out with it."

Scott blinked at him. "Out with what?"

"You know what." Stiles waved a hand in Scott's general direction. "Whatever it is that's got you looking like that."

"Looking like what?"

"Like _that_! Like you're caught halfway between some kind of deep thought and full on brooding. You've looked like that ever since Derek and I were talking about ways to tell if you're awake or dreaming." The look Stiles sent him this time was more serious. "It bothers you, doesn't it?"

"I... Well, yeah. Sort of," Scott said, and watched a flicker of hurt cross Stiles' features before he got his expression under control. Which made Scott realize that Stiles had an entirely different idea of what they were talking about than Scott did. "It's not what you think," he added quickly.

"It's fine, Scotty, really," Stiles replied with the pasted on smile Scott usually saw him use when he was trying to lie to his father or someone else Stiles actually respected. "I get it, it's a lot to deal with. It doesn't make you any less my best friend just because you're-"

"I don't think you're insane!" Scott blurted out before Stiles could get any further.

That at least surprised Stiles enough that he stopped talking. "Uh, good?" he finally said.

Scott resisted the urge to face palm. "I'm saying this all wrong," he muttered then took a deep breath and tried to start over. "You said when you were talking to Derek that you knew counting your fingers to check if you're dreaming or not sounded insane. But it doesn't. It isn't. What you went through, what you had to deal with, _that_ was insane. You finding ways to cope and hold onto yourself in the middle of all of that isn't. It's like the exact opposite of insane."

Stiles frowned. "You think needing to count my fingers to see if I'm awake or asleep is sane," he said slowly.

"It's rational at least," Scott said. "Look, the nogitsune was trying to make you crazy. It was trying to make you unsure what was reality so it could better trick you and you kept finding ways to tell what was real and what wasn't in spite of it. Even when the rest of us couldn't see what was real and what was illusion, you could. You did. I don't think you get how amazing that is."

Stiles was quiet for a moment and Scott worried that he maybe had put his foot in it even further by bringing up the nogitsune directly. But dammit, whenever anyone mentioned the nogitsune and Stiles, it always seemed to be about what it did to him. No one focused about how Stiles fought back and kept fighting the entire time. Hell, even when the nogitsune had had him trapped inside his own mind, it had only been able to do so by giving Stiles a way to think he was fighting back. And Scott thought it was beyond time that that got acknowledged. Especially by Stiles himself.

"I'm not sure about amazing," Stiles finally said. "More like too cynical to take things at face value and too stubborn to know when I'm beat." Still there was something in his scent and his posture that told Scott that his words had hit home.

He pretended to think about it. "Nope. I think I'd still have to go with amazing."

"Yeah, well maybe you're the crazy one," Stiles shot back, but Scott didn't miss the tiny pleased grin that turned the corners of his mouth up. "Seriously, you listen to me talking about coping skills to deal with the crazy and what you get out of it is how awesome I am?"

"I never said you were awesome," Scott dead panned. 

"Amazing... awesome..." Stiles waved a hand in the air dismissively. "I'll take complimentary words that begin with 'A' for a thousand, Alex. Don't deflect."

"Amazing. Get it right. And yeah, pretty much." Scott shrugged, glanced at Stiles and then away again. "I guess I just get tired of listening to you calling yourself crazy when you're the person I turn to for sanity checks."

"You do remember my dad checked me into a mental institution, right?"

"Yeah because you pretty much ordered him to," Scott replied. "That means it totally doesn't count."

Stiles gave a snort of disbelieving laughter and shook his head. "You really are almost too good to be real sometimes, you know that?" Then in a softer, more heartfelt tone, he added, "Thanks."

And that was enough to make Scott glad he had actually spoken up about it.

He thought that would be the end of it, but Stiles returned to the topic hours later when they were in Scott's room doing homework together.

"You know, you're right," he said.

Scott glanced up from his book to look at Stiles. "About what?"

"We are coping extremely well in the face of the kind of hell no one should ever have to go through. I mean we're walking, talking, functioning..." Stiles gestured at the notebook in front of him that he was writing in. "Even managing to go to school and not completely tank our grade point average. Which is pretty awesome, considering everything. So yay, go us."

Scott tilted his head to the side and looked at him. "I hear a but coming."

Stiles smirked. "Must be that keen werewolf sense of hearing," he joked before getting serious again. "So yeah there's a but. But we're -- I'm -- still messed up, you know? When I find myself thinking fondly of the therapist my dad made me go see after Mom died..."

Scott remembered how much back then Stiles had hated going, especially given _how_ his mom had died. But he also remembered how much it had helped him. "Maybe you could go see him again?" he suggested tentatively. "If you think it would help..."

"It might if I could be honest with him," Stiles said. "But if I told him the truth of what really happened, the best that would happen would be that he'd either think I was lying for attention or delusional. Chances are he'd probably just want to send me right back to Eichen House. Supernaturally induced trauma is hard to explain to non-supernaturally inclined therapists."

Which was a definite point. "You could maybe try talking to Morell?" he suggested tentatively. In a wider field she wouldn't be his first choice, but she did have the advantage of knowing about what really was going on. And she had helped Malia find him to give him the information that Stiles had stumbled over when he was in Eichen House so Scott was willing to give her a chance.

But Stiles made a face at the suggestion. "I know she actually knows about the supernatural and all, but I'm not sure after what happened at Eichen House how... comfortable that would be."

"What happened at Eichen House?" Scott asked with a frown.

"The last time we talked, she gave me a bottle of speed and told me not to fall asleep or the nogitsune would take over. That even if I did manage to stay awake, he would the second the letharia vulpina wore off and that when that happened she was going to kill me. All without batting an eye."

All of the good will that Scott had been willing to give Morell vanished. "She did what?"

"I mean, I get it," Stiles said with a shrug. "She's all about the balance and the nogitsune definitely fucked with that. The needs of the many -- hell the _lives_ of the many versus the life of me, it was probably the logical call. Considering everything that happened after that I can't even really argue the point all that much. But... death threats aren't really something I look for in a therapist."

"I can argue the point," Scott said, and he fully intended to with Morell herself because even now that sent a sharp spike of fear through him -- that while he had been doing everything he could to save Stiles from the nogitsune, someone who claimed to be on his side, to be an ally had been calmly planning on killing him... He had to fight to control a shudder at the thought of what could have happened.

"I know you can," Stiles told him, shaking his head at him with a fond smile. "That's what makes you you. You never gave up on me even when you probably should've."

"You wouldn't have given up on me if the positions were reversed," Scott said, knowing it for a fact as true as the sky being blue. Heck, the fact that Stiles had stuck with him through all of this werewolf craziness was proof enough.

Stiles didn't bother trying to deny it. "Yeah, but all that means is that I'm just as stupidly stubborn as you are." They were sitting close enough together that he didn't have to move much to nudge his shoulder against Scott's.

"We're a match set," Scott agreed, nudging back. "And hey, I may not be a therapist, but I can listen if you ever need to talk about any of this. I know it's not the same, but it might help?"

"I know," Stiles replied. "I've been kind of counting on it. Why do you think we're having this conversation?"

Scott couldn't help but smile a little at that. "Is it helping?" he asked.

"Yeah," Stiles said without hesitation. "Just knowing that I can talk about this stuff without you looking at me like I'm about to break makes a difference. Hell, even when _I_ think I'm about to break you don't. Which means..." He trailed off shaking his head with a smile. "Guess you can say you're my sanity check too."

There were a lot of things Scott could probably say to that, but sometimes the right answer was no words at all. He slung an arm around Stiles' shoulders and pulled him in close in a sideways hug, which, after a moment of Stiles leaning into it, quickly turned into an impromptu half wrestling match/ half tickle fight. 

It ended with them lying side by side on their backs on the floor, both of them giggling uncontrollably. Scott glanced over at Stiles, thinking it had been far too long since he'd seen his friend like this and it warmed something deep inside him to see it now. He made a vow then and there that despite all the reasons they both had to not let themselves have this, he was going to do his best to put that look on Stiles' face as often as he could. Because Stiles being happy made _him_ happy.

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr](http://fwolfling.tumblr.com/) if you want to come say hi.


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